you guys were way drunker than both of me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
