my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
worst night to have a conscience
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
