How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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