I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
