Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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