Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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