she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
