I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
