I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
