What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
