I met the friendliest cop last night
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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