ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
