How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
