I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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