as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
