Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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