I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
