i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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