NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
