I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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