Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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