a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
