you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
