I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
