I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
