I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
