don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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