Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
