it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The power of my boobs compel you
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
