ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
