i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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