I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
