This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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