It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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