I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize