Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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