And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
