3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
