Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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