At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
