So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize