How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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