Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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