the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
