I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
