Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize