moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
