I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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