the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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