so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
we should paint friendship bongs
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
