There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
