I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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