I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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