She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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