her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
