Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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