My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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