how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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