fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
