you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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