ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize