We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize