you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
