I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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