so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize