Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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