i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
