he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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