oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
