She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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