We won't sleep together?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
