I cannot find my penis.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
