he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
