his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
