I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We are two peas in an std pod
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
