Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
