A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm having to shit out rocks
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