Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
