dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
