if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
