Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My hand turned me down
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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