there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize