She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
