Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
