She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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