I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
