Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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