i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
