News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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