party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
