im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
