yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
