peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im six kinds of drunk right now
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
