Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
