highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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