WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How naked do you want me to be?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
