Christians are straight up FREAKS
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
