i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
